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2022.01.28 03:02 inspyral Stephen Curry & Klay Thompson Combine For 11 Threes | Jan. 27, 2022

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2022.01.28 03:02 Turbulent_Block4826 Would you go up to a woman and ask her for sex just a few minutes after meeting her? Why or why not?

There's nothing unethical or immoral about this behavior, you're just stating your intentions.
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2022.01.28 03:02 RyukinSaxifrage time for the ultimate decision!

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2022.01.28 03:02 KaleidoscopeFun6528 Got snatched from the back of the neck

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2022.01.28 03:02 Villenthessis Snuffy and Boyfu Rob

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2022.01.28 03:02 SaeByeokGoesToJeju Ending of Grave of the Fireflies

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2022.01.28 03:02 Traditional_Hall_358 [Calculus 2: Integration]

[Calculus 2: Integration] Really confused on why this is wrong:(((
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2022.01.28 03:02 VladWard Let's talk about feeling romantically valued

This thread is something that's been spinning around in my head for a while that I wanted to take a stab at giving form. It's not going to be perfect, and plenty of ideas are going to be fleshing themselves out as I write them and refining themselves as folks discuss them. It's not attempting to be authoritative, and I'm speaking entirely from my own experience which is (obviously) not universal.
Alright, here we go.
There's been a lot of talk on the internet about men and the compliments they do and don't receive. The discourse has long since played itself out in the communities I follow, with the general consensus being:
A) We understand that men as a population suffer from a lack of positive reinforcement and support from peers.
B) We also understand that women as a population have largely abandoned providing positive reinforcement to men over a certain age because their experiences have informed them that positive reinforcement is often met with unwanted romantic attention.
C) As a result, there is a strong push towards a more validating and supportive structure in modern male friendships. In a word, men supporting men.
As this consensus is several years old, some of us have had the opportunity to put it into practice and evaluate the results. At the very least, I've been lucky enough to have had a great deal of success at both forming new friendships that are built on this dynamic and giving my old friendships a fresh coat of emotionally supportive paint.
Here's what I've observed:
D) It's easier to maintain casual friendships with a larger number of men when those friendships are rooted in mutual proactive support. This provides a bigger social network and a stronger social safety net. Absolutely a good thing.
E) My closest friends are living much healthier emotional lives than I've seen in years. It's impossible to determine how causally related these two events are, but at the very least they're capable of coexisting.
F) Setting aside the benefits discussed above, the general lack of value I felt prior to implementing these changes hasn't actually diminished at all.
After a lot of soul searching, I've found that - at least for me, personally - the problem was misstated. I never had an issue with general self worth. Regardless of how vocal my friends are with their support, I've always had at least one friend I could rely on when I needed them. As far as my professional or utility value are concerned, men are constantly receiving external feedback on these measures so there was never any doubt about where I stood.
The problem from the start was that I didn't feel romantically valued. I can feel like a great person, a great man, and a poor romantic prospect simultaneously. The latter is informed entirely by others' perception of me. It's something I have limited control over and even less insight into.
So here I am, settling into an incredible new job, making weekend plans with my amazing friends, and preparing to move into a beautiful house which I'll inhabit all by myself and I'm trying so hard not to spiral.
I'm so grateful for my friends. They never let me forget what a catch I am. And they're right, all humility aside. But at the end of the day, I can be the greatest catch in the world and I'll still die alone if the people I'm interested in dating don't see it. That's both terrifying and, honestly, a little soul crushing. The romantic validation of my preferred sex matters. There is no substitute for it.
So where do we go from here? Is it enough to say that the interests of men and the interests of women are fundamentally opposed and someone's going to have to take the L? Do we have space to try something new? I'd love to hear y'all's thoughts.
In a perfect world, it'd be nice if we could all just expect a minimum standard of behavior from one another. Women can feel comfortable supporting and validating men, men can develop romantic feelings towards women - and promptly keep them to themselves if she expresses disinterest or discomfort, and everyone can be happy.
Maybe I should just start wearing a sign around my neck. "I swear I won't fall in love with you, just please tell me I look nice in this sweater."
submitted by VladWard to MensLib [link] [comments]


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