2022.01.28 02:48 moshedman85 Isis being racist
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2022.01.28 02:48 Ill-Signature-9615 The heart, it turns out, has grown old while waiting.
Life is about being fresh and learning, seeing interesting things, friendship and dating, if we are looking for the same thing, don't hesitate to email me.
When you are having troubles and troubles in life
When you are frustrated emotionally, we can talk about it, people are emotional creatures and everyone has different feelings.
I like to travel and in my spare time I cook something delicious for myself. Secondly, I am also a wine, car, golf, lover. I am 37 years old. I like to make new friends.
I'm also looking for a long term relationship, but I don't go into casual relationships, we see a lot of things over time, I've had failed marriages and I don't want to repeat them, I prefer to get to know someone seriously. If you are looking for a date, we can talk.
I believe interesting people and interesting souls colliding together will rub off a different chemistry.
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2022.01.28 02:48 letdekusmash I think I may secretly love my online friend from Colombia, but I don't think I would be good enough for him
(TL;DR at the bottom, accompanied by questions I have seeking advice.)
This is going to be a long one, but I feel that details of our history and our dynamic are essential for this post (as well as the advice I'm asking for) to make sense. Please, Reddit, I could really use your help with this one.
So I (25F) have been friends with...we'll call him "Carlos" (24M) for about 4-5 years now. I was a linguistics major with an aoe in Spanish in college, so I was always on the lookout for apps/sites that allowed me to practice my Spanish abilities with people from all over. We met on one of these apps, and we hit it off almost immediately. After a few days of talking, we exchanged phone numbers and began talking on WhatsApp, constantly sending texts, voice messages, etc. Eventually, it even evolved into a Facebook friendship, which is a big deal because I'm VERY cautious about giving out my personal information to anyone I meet online. At the time, my feelings were totally platonic, and I was involved in a long-term relationship with the man I thought I would end up marrying. This becomes important later.
We would communicate constantly for days, weeks, months even. This continued for about a year. Once again, my feelings were still platonic at this point. I valued him and loved hearing from him. Not to mention that he would help me practice my Spanish, and I would help him practice his English, so everything was gucci. We formed a bond over our love of studying languages, something that my ex-fiance and I NEVER shared. He was (and still is) very special to me because he was the first real international friend that I ever made.
Fast forward to November of 2019 (ah yes, the good ol' pre-pandemmy days). My ex-fiance and I moved into our first house together. I was still in love with him at the time, and I wouldn't even think to look at another man. Carlos and I were going through cycles where we would kind of drift apart a little every few months, but it was okay because I knew we would eventually be in contact again. Life gets busy sometimes, and I completely understand and respect that. This was kind of a good thing because I loved talking to Carlos, but I was very committed to my relationship, so EF was a priority.
Now let's fast forward to around the summer of 2020. Carlos and I had just finished one of our cycles and we reconnected once more. But this time things were...different. I could feel some sort of weird tension between us, but I wrote it off as just having jitters about talking again, which was nothing unusual. But like...he started to do things he hadn't before. For example, he would tell me how beautiful I was. THIS MAN WOULD SING FOR ME JUST BECAUSE HE WANTED TO (and I'll admit that he isn't the best singer, but just the gesture made me swoon hhhhhh). I started doing the same for him, and he would tell me how beautiful my voice was and he would ask me to do it often, which I didn't mind because I love singing. Exchanging music was something we loved to do, but he started sending me songs with very romantic undertones almost daily (if you're interested to know, my favorite one that he ever sent is "Dónde Nadie Pueda Ir" by Manuel Medrano. It's an absolutely gorgeous song, and I highly recommend it. If you don't speak Spanish, look up the English translation of the lyrics and you'll see what I mean). I was unsure of how I was feeling, but I was beginning to get an inkling that maybe my emotions were becoming a bit more...complicated. I pushed the thought out of my head because I knew that it couldn't be.
It started escalating even more. He had asked me to start giving him English lessons, which I was STOKED to do because I eventually want to teach English as a second language to foreign speakers, so I thought that this would be a great opportunity to get in some casual practice. I took it very seriously; I made lesson plans, developed quizzes and study guides, crafted Powerpoint presentations...you get the idea. I wanted to act as though I were already in a formal teaching position (I'm what some would call an "overachiever", especially when it comes to any linguistic matters). Every Wednesday for about two months, we would do these lessons over Skype, and he seemed to be enjoying himself...but the lessons weren't enough for him. He wanted to spend even more time with me, so we started watching shows together on Netflix's watch party feature while Skyping simultaneously. We would sit in what was pretty much silence for most of the episode, just enjoying each other's company and each other's reactions to the shows. Occasionally, I would message him in the chat to tell him what an idiom or metaphor meant (because he loves those but can't always correctly interpret the meaning), but other than that we would just bask in each other's virtual warmth, so to speak.
Let it be known that my EF was completely okay with all of the time we were spending together. He knew that we were close and didn't mind.
But, the more time we spent together, the more I wanted him, the more I wanted to be there with him and feel his arms around me while we watched things together. I realized that I was starting to feel this way, and I almost immediately cut him off kind of cold turkey because I realized that my feelings were starting to evolve. He had just started a new job anyway, so he didn't have much free time. I told myself that was a great excuse. (Also a quick reminder: I didn't come here to be scolded for what was pretty much emotional cheating. I knew it was getting to be wrong, which is why I put a stop to it.)
Yes, I cut him off but...I couldn't stop thinking about him. I longed for those nights when we had quality time together. I missed our constant texting and voice chatting. I missed him. I missed him a lot.
A few months later, I ended up realizing some things about myself because I was working through some personal issues in therapy. Long story short, I ended up asking my EF for an open relationship (Once again, not here for moral judgment. No one knows anything about my life or my story or what I've been through. Please keep judgemental comments to yourself.). He agreed, and I felt that this was my chance to reach back out to Carlos and say some of the things I couldn't before. We reconnected and there was fire almost instantly. The video calls resumed, and I was happy to have him in my life with a morally clear conscience. He knew the circumstances of my new relationship dynamic, and let's say that he became...bold. I started getting texts, photos, videos, you name it of...well, things that wouldn't have been appropriate before. I was stunned because I had no idea that he was also maybe PHYSICALLY attracted to me (I think?), so when I found out that he was, I lusted after him so badly. We would exchange certain photos, sext, talk dirty to each other in TWO languages (*slams fist on table* HHHHHHHHHH), and it was amazing.
Alas, the time came for him to ask me for a full-body photo. At the time, I was beginning to have confidence in my body for the first time ever due to losing 35 lbs and building a ton of muscle, (the photos I was referring to earlier that I sent to him were mostly photos that teased and not showed if that makes any sense), but I was so intimidated by how smoking hot he was, that I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was honest with him and told him that I just didn't think I was ready for that yet, to which he was completely understanding. But that didn't stop me from overthinking and panicking, of course. I would tell myself that if I didn't send him something soon, he would get bored with me. I told myself I was a failure. Is he that type of person? Absolutely not, but our own minds can be a dangerous place.
I just kept telling myself these awful things until eventually, I ended up pushing him away again. I just wasn't ready to show myself to him that way. What if he thought I was disgusting and rejected me? There's nothing I wanted more than his total acceptance, but I couldn't guarantee that for myself, so I did what I do best: I built walls around myself so that I wouldn't get hurt.
I wouldn't say that I ghosted him per se, but conversations became scarce, and every time he sent me a sexy photo, I ignored him because I knew I didn't have the mental capacity to reciprocate. Eventually, the communication wained into nonexistence once more. I felt like an asshole, but I had made up my mind that if I showed him my body, I would lose him either way.
Fast forward more to June of 2021. EF dumped me. He sat me down, and told me bluntly that he fell out of love with me long ago. Ouch, but at least he was honest. Picking up the pieces was difficult. We were together for 5.5 years, and we had bank accounts, a house, and two cats together. After several months of more bad shit and emotional turmoil, I finally got all the kinks worked out in my life and established a new normal. I ended up being a 25yo single homeowner with a car, a government job, and my two cats. Not too shabby, eh?
This is important because for the first time in my adult life I was single. I was free. I was independent. Most importantly, I was proud of myself for 1.) not falling apart completely, and 2.) everything I had accomplished with my newfound strength. I was free to talk to whoever, whenever, about whatever, and so of course, I eventually reached back out to Carlos. We went through a cycle, and unfortunately, I became super depressed (mostly due to the change in seasons and the weather), so the conversation dwindled.
Now to the present. Last night, as I was laying in bed, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, I started thinking about him. Like...a lot. Not just the normal stuff; how I would love to meet him someday, how I want him to do horrible, awful things to me, how much I miss the time we spent together...no. I started dissecting my own emotions (because it was 2 AM and I had work at 8 AM, so why not?). I thought about more than just the usual. This time, it was things like: I want to make concrete plans to meet him. I want to bring him into my home and spend a week with him about having to worry about anyone or anything else. I want to make love to him. I want him to fall asleep next to me. I want to introduce him to my parents, even if it's just as a friend. I want to introduce him to my American friends. I want to meet his family. I want to meet his Colombian friends. I want to go to Colombia and learn everything about his city and his country and its culture.
These are not normal thoughts. In fact, last night was the first time I have thought of any of these things, and they just came out of absolutely nowhere. We haven't talked in about two months now, so why, all of a sudden, is he the only thing on my mind? I keep telling myself that being single is amazing and I'm so happy (and don't get me wrong, I definitely am), and that I don't need a relationship any time soon because I'm content just doing me. So why is it that I could see myself being with him without giving much consideration to "losing" my independence and my freedom? Why could I imagine us together so easily?
I reached back out a few hours ago, apologized for being a shitty friend, told him I missed him and assured him that I was really going to make a conscious effort to be in contact more this time, which is true and I really am. And how did he respond? I'm correcting some grammar here, but the gist was:
"You are in no way a shitty friend. You are the best and I miss you too. I am really happy for you and understand you, and I am so glad that you have been able to move on and be yourself. I hope we can talk more any time you get free time <3 <3 <3"
He is already talking about making plans to start practicing English with me again and to start spending time together again now that he has a better job and more free time. I'm so glad that he doesn't hold anything against me, and that it seems like maybe we have the chance to reconnect better and stronger than ever before.
So, to recap, my concerns are this: We've never met in person (as you have probably surmised), I think he's WAY, WAY out of my league, and I have never felt this way (whatever "this way" is) about someone I've never officially met before. Why do I think he's out of my league? He's a hot Latin God with a body that won't quit, a great personality, a smile that could outshine the sun, AND he's an engineer, so he's incredibly intelligent. I am pale white, squishy, shy-ish, and awkward. I think I'm funny and intelligent, but not at the level that he deserves.
****TL;DR: I may or may not love my Colombian friend whom I've never met. We have a history, and there are some indications that he may like me, but ultimately I think I'm not good enough to even consider that he would want to be with me.**\*
Now, here is the part where I am asking for opinions and/or advice. There are several things I need to ask, so please, answer as many of these things as you can in as much detail as you need to:
2022.01.28 02:48 kelseyj0786 How do I embed an Instagram feed on Weebly?
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2022.01.28 02:48 unfortunatelyequivoc Tender is the night for a broken heart
I never appreciated you like I should’ve
And I know that you knew how much I cared because I talked about it nonstop
And I suppose I appreciated you as much as I knew how at that point
But not like I would’ve now
I was going through my old camera and found clips I took of you
Some were for a “what do you love about Jimmy video” another for a supposed short film I was working on about small beautiful things in life
Ironically the only clips that I ever shot for that film were of you
I never realized that
And of course like anyone would be, watching back old clips of myself I was embarrassed
I am embarrassed by how I sounded and how I acted and me calling you stupid or telling you to fuck off or the array of me sounding dumb and being fake mean to you
But what eases the burden is watching those clips of you
Of course I didn’t realize it then but watching those back now they are so beautiful
They’re all I really have left of you in that moment
Of you that’s not old photos without words
You loved me then and that makes me feel a lot better about my embarrassing behavior
You were so beautiful then, so beautiful now
And maybe you’d joke about beautiful being a weird word to describe a guy
But never have I ever met someone more deserving of the word
I looked at you and I was home even if I didn’t yet have the experience to know that
It is cruel irony that losing you made me into the best version of myself
If only you could be with me now. If only you could really see me now.
The you then would be proud.
I like to imagine there is an alternative universe where after we watch Interstellar and you say you’re gonna kiss me I let you. I’m not afraid anymore. I can grow without being hurt.
And we live happily ever after.
Instead I live in this reality. And the possibility of the other one is the only thing keeping me going as I cry myself to sleep.
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2022.01.28 02:48 BewareTheDragon1 Using the new Compleated keyword to gate what kind of planeswalker you get. You can get an underwhelming white walker for cheaper, but if you pay black you get a fully-fledged planeswalker.
2022.01.28 02:48 Palistic Almost everything that people complain about in Survivor is worse in Australian Survivor
All y'all talking about how Australian Survivor blows US Survivor out of the water... What? The big things I consistently see complained about in US Survivor are the challenges, the twists, the edit, and the idols. Challenges in Australian Survivor are clearly better, but the twists are literally the dumbest I've ever seen. Random non-elimination episodes are 100% luck based, because a player getting voted out has no control over whether that episode is an elimination or non elimination episode, and non elimination episodes are so unfair. And the idols--currentl watching BvB, finished episode six--there have been five idols in the game. Five! And they're not even hidden in that tricky of spots or anything, they're just lying around. And then there's the edit. Someone lasted like eight episodes in season 4 and never got a single confessional. Plus, you can usually tell which team loses immunity from the "Next time," screen, and you know who's going to be eliminated by the time we get to the immunity challenge. Like sure, the challenges are way cooler to watch, but you don't need to watch them to know who wins, because the edit gives it away every single episode, showing one tribe talking strategy, then the other tribe doing yoga on the beach. It's so odd to me that so many on this sub consider Australian Survivor to be the superior counterpart, when its flaws are so much more obvious. Do or Die and the hourglass twist wouldn't even be weird on Australian Survivor--no one would bat an eyelid.
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2022.01.28 02:48 PaddysMilkSteak What is the best retail store to find trading cards?
2022.01.28 02:48 JurassicPark100 [GTM]
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2022.01.28 02:48 anon3815162342 Thought on the pirate?
Personally I think she has a very strong moveset but not to the point that I find it annoying to go up against. My only problem is being ganked by more than one pirate, it seems almost impossible to win most of the time.
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2022.01.28 02:48 Creative-Memory1478 What is this white device on the dashboard of this 1990s Cabover Freightliner?
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2022.01.28 02:48 RadioActiveMemes_YT I did
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2022.01.28 02:48 ShortAlgo $QCOM Waiting for buy signal https://t.co/cHOF4URXXj https://t.co/heFxHxHzJ7
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2022.01.28 02:48 ZoolShop Obi Toppin coming on strong despite brutal Knicks' stretch
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2022.01.28 02:48 Khaleesiiiiiiii Looking for cheap macbook pro and Apple Watch that are orig? Last stocks left!!
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2022.01.28 02:48 ThtUsernmesAlrdyTken what pistol is vigilante holding? (repost)
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2022.01.28 02:48 Chimeguy22 💸Easy free $5 dollars from Envel💸
2022.01.28 02:48 Fabulous_Ad_611 is there a good anime’s similar to sao for funimation
2022.01.28 02:48 ShortAlgo $T Waiting for buy signal https://t.co/cHOF4URXXj https://t.co/CvOt9uZegZ
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2022.01.28 02:48 derrickmarcus ROME STREETZ X FUTUREWAVE - RAZOR'S EDGE (RESTOCK) LINK IN COMMENTS
2022.01.28 02:48 Oksrock What’s a sound from your childhood that brings you instant joy?
2022.01.28 02:48 ShortAlgo $NFLX Waiting for short signal https://t.co/cHOF4URXXj https://t.co/nxgNVdTKwX
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2022.01.28 02:48 Acrobatic-Comment346 What happened to him
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2022.01.28 02:48 brash_witchcraft BOJ's Kuroda says Japan must cooperate with US, Europe on central bank digital currency norms
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2022.01.28 02:48 MariMar9444 My PlayHome Stores Game – Noah Toys Review
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